Listen Now
Just because a crayon is broken doesn’t mean it’s useless. It can be picked up and used to draw a beautiful picture. The same can be true for mothering children while dodging the shadows of deep trauma. You can be loving. You can guide and nurture your children well even if no one did that for you when you were a child.
If you worry that your wounds might “rub off” like chalk dust on your children, or that your past mistakes define their future, I want you to know that they do not have to.
Growing up I didn’t get proper nurturing. I was abused and neglected, so I understand your fears. By 20, I was a mother of two daughters. I knew I wanted something better for them.
I began to rely on God and invest in ongoing therapy. I watched my daughters, now 17 and 19 years old, grow into vibrant young women.
My secret? I thought about how I was raised — and I did the opposite.
For me, it took three simple thoughts and behaviors:
Pure Love:
I was very attentive to my daughters’ needs by asking myself, How did I want to be loved, treated and spoken to at their age? Regardless of my internal struggles, I showed affection, so they never doubted their worth or my love for them.
Being Present:
There were countless days I cried in bed, pulling myself together just to show up with a smile. I chose to be the mother I wished I had. By staying present, you break the cycle and spare your children the struggle of healing from childhood trauma.
Honesty:
As my daughters grew, I stopped hiding my scars. Being honest about my journey didn’t make them ashamed of me; it taught them how to understand their own feelings and still show up with compassion for others. It taught them that hardships do not limit a person’s potential.
Your trauma does not make you unworthy. Your healing journey can continue while you raise your children with nurture and love.
Remind yourself: “This crayon can still color, and I can create beautiful art.”
Tranika Hawkins is a certified community health worker based in Redford, Michigan. She is a dedicated mother of two teenage daughters and a passionate advocate for personal growth and resilience.
