What is the Worth of My Body?

I can remember it as if it were yesterday. When I was nine years old, we were evicted from our home. My mother worked two jobs, so she took us to stay at the apartment of a male friend of hers for the night.

That same night my body was violated by this so-called friend. I was awakened from my sleep as I suddenly felt this man remove his hands from between my legs to run across the room because there was a knock at the door. Thank God, it was my mother. In the morning I couldn’t figure out if that incident actually took place or if it was just a dream, so I never told anyone.

Where I grew up, guys were usually outside, smoking and drinking on the block. One day when I came home from school, I was met in the dark stretch of a hallway by one of the guys I knew from the neighborhood. This guy was much older than me, and he had strong muscles. You know the kind – he looked as if he’d just been released from the penitentiary.

He came very close to me, so close that I was able to smell the aroma of marijuana and alcohol on his clothes. Then he pushed his tongue in my mouth without saying a word. Thanks to the neighbor who saw us through the window of the locked hallway door and started banging on the door to get in, he left me alone. But this wasn’t the end of similar confrontations.

I know that many of you have had much worse things happen to you. But if you haven’t, know that any sexual abuse affects our worth.

Sometimes I wondered if it was my fault, but mostly I tried to ignore it. That led me to become involved in the riskier parts of fashion shows where the creativity was purposefully eye-catching and other events to make me popular.

Looking back, those things did me no justice but were only a cover up for how I was feeling. The truth is, what started off as a violation to my body — the same as rape — turned into passion, which ultimately grew into lust. That caused more damage because I thought it was normal.

Finally, I started asking myself the question, “What is my body worth?” I didn’t realize then that these things happened to lots of women, but they affected each woman differently.

Women like many in my neighborhood made bad decisions by becoming strippers or someone’s playmate for money. They gave in and didn’t do things God’s way because they didn’t value themselves. They ended up going through lots of struggles and suffering as they tried to make ends meet, all the while trying to look as if they could afford the expensive living.

I noticed that those women who viewed themselves as having worth and who didn’t give their bodies away outside of marriage often found success early and avoided the pitfalls that came with low self-worth. Obedience to God’s ways has benefits.

If someone would have told me as a child that my body was worth something, I think I could have probably avoided some situations — and not depended on that knock at the door. Today, I find it very important to tell a child the worth of his or her body while growing up. Everything that I went through early in my life caused so much pain that every day I asked the question, “Man, am I worth anything?” Thoughts of suicide entered my mind often then.

Years later, when a purpose — my child — entered my life, I said to myself, “Man, with all my stupid mistakes, I can’t believe I’m still here. I must be worth something.” I was ready for a change.

Getting into the Word has helped me see that from the beginning, it was told to us that our bodies are a temple (1 Corinthians 6:19). Our bodies are gifts from God and the place where God lives. I found out that if I allowed Him to come inside of me and reside in this temple where He belongs, He would release me from all the hurt and disgust I’ve carried around.

Eventually I watched all the mess that surrounded me finally disappear. Now I can hear Him saying to me, “You are worth everything to Me.” I have come to realize that it was always Jesus who was knocking at the door — the door of my heart. And I am thankful that I let Him in.

I could have avoided the outcome of those events just by opening my heart and allowing Him in. For a while I was a victim of circumstances, but not anymore. He bought me with His life, and no one else on earth who would pay that price for me.

The worth of my body is not in the way I look, the way I am shaped, or the price of the clothes I wear. My worth is because of Him who now lives in me. He loves me, and that makes me priceless. Now I adorn myself for Him, not for the men in the night clubs who made me feel worthless and less than a woman. Now, it’s for the Man who paid the ultimate price, the Man who calls me His princess and tells me I’m worth far more than rubies (Proverbs 31:10).

He is on the side of all women (and all men) who are going through any kind of pain and are risking their personal health and lives by putting themselves in danger, unintentionally hurting their children and loved ones, and feeling like they’re worth nothing. We need to ask ourselves why God chooses to live in our temples. Could it be because He thinks we’re worthy?

Yes, I am worth something! I am worth a lot more than one dollar, a lot more than five hundred dollars, and even more than a million dollars. And so are you!

He wants you to know that He gave His life for you, and He’s been knocking on your door. I urge you to free yourself and let Him in, then see your worth.
Thank you, Jesus. Your love is unconditional.

K’ryn Mar Lat lives in Fort Lauderdale with her husband and is a Community Liaison/Victim Advocate with Victim’s Advocate Services.