My Transformation: How I Let My True Self Shine Through

Addictions of all kinds plagued my family from generation to generation. I was born into a family that was addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, and food. As a child, I was used to seeing people high off drugs. It was normal to see people passed out from being drunk. My ears were used to hearing adults making sexual jokes with one another.

So, when I turned fourteen, I rolled my first blunt with marijuana and smoked it like a professional. At fifteen, I poured my first drink and tried to enjoy the taste of the alcohol while it burned my throat. At age seventeen, I gave birth to a baby boy.

That’s when depression fell upon me so heavily that I wanted to give my child up for adoption. My dreams of becoming a model and an actress had leapt out the door. My body was stretched completely out of place. I went from weighing 125 pounds to weighing 220 pounds when I gave birth. Life was horrible, and I could not see how I could get out of this nightmare.

I married my baby’s father. We were young parents and tried to raise our son the best way we knew. I finished high school with high honors and enrolled in community college.

At that point, life became a party. I remember spending many nights smoking the best weed. A group of close friends helped us to stay high.

When our son was in third grade, he made a joke about smoking marijuana. It surprised me. I thought my husband and I had done a good job hiding our habits from the two boys. Yet, my nine-year-old was making a joke about smoking. Something switched in me, and I started thinking about my life.

Although life seemed grand, something inside of me was missing. I felt a void that needed to be filled. I wanted to be connected to God, to a higher power. There was a longing inside of me for more. Thankfully. that questioning part of me never got quiet until I met God.

I realized that for many years I had allowed weed to control me. The first thought on my mind upon awaking was, What time will I get high today? I couldn’t go to the movies without being high. It seemed as if my whole life was centered around getting high. My personality and attitude were all affected by my use of marijuana. The reality of me being a weed-head settled in — and I did not like it. The real me could not shine through because weed was in control. My addiction controlled my life while the real me took a back seat.

At that point I really wanted to stop smoking. I tried everything to quit. I made vows that I would never smoke again. But they weren’t enough.

It was like something was trying to bring me down. Every time I made a commitment to stop smoking, marijuana would just show up. And I would smoke it.

After months of praying and asking God to help me with this addiction, one of my cousins knocked on my door. He told me to get dressed and walk with him to meet a woman who was a prophet. Now, besides reading about prophets in the Bible, I had never met one. I was very curious, so I got dressed and went with him.

I remember it as clear as if it happened yesterday. As soon as I walked down the stairs of her home, this woman looked at me and said, “Today will be the last day you are addicted to weed.” I was blown away. I had never met this lady. Yet she knew my addiction, my sin, and my daily struggle.

Then the woman directed me to come to her and raise my hands in the air. I did exactly as she asked. Once my hands were raised, she prayed over me and put her hands on my forehead. At that moment, the power of God was released from her into me. I flew back on the floor unhurt. When I got up, my addiction to marijuana was gone. I was set free from this stronghold.

That was in 2007. Since then I have never smoked weed again. I’d be lying if I said that I never had the desire to smoke again. I get tempted, but I choose to maintain my deliverance by never using it again. Even though CBD is now legal and can be purchased in different forms all across this country, I make the choice to avoid it.

The good news is that you don’t have to live your life addicted to anything. God can and will help you to break free. The addiction will never fulfill you like God can.

Here are the ways I have used to help me to stay free from marijuana’s control.

Tips for Breaking Free and Staying Free

1. Desire change. Ask God to help you. Remember John 10:10: “The thief comes to steal and to kill and to destroy. I come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”
2. Read God’s Word for the promises He has for you.
3. Ask the Holy Spirit to change your desires.
4. Stay away from family members and friends who struggle with addiction. It is not safe to continue to be around people who give in to the same struggles you have. Respectfully let them know your decision to change and how that looks for your lifestyle. You may have to block their numbers for a while and avoid the usual meeting spots. Be strong. It’s okay to skip a few holiday events, especially if that’s when you will get pressured to give in. Protect what you are trying to accomplish.
5. Pray for and intentionally look for a mentor (this might start with the person who gave you the magazine) to help you through this life change.
6. In the beginning, connect with your mentor daily in some fashion. When your old self is resisting, press past it and contact the mentor anyway. This person will help you to sort out your thoughts and help you to reach your goals to change.