Listen Now
My Momma don’t like you …and she likes everyone
And I never like to admit that I was wrong
But I’ve been so caught up with my job
Didn’t see what’s going on, but now I know
I’m better sleeping on my own
…cuz if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself.
– “Love Yourself” By Justin Bieber
Such a catchy tune. It’s true. I’ve found myself bopping to it and singing along. The song highlights the breakdown of a relationship due to the effects of insecurity. But it also gives a nod to empowerment by knowing when it’s time to let go. While talking about the words of the song with my daughters, we found there was a lesson to be learned.
A mother’s instinct is usually pretty good. God knew what he was doing when he gave women the ability to conceive, carry a child, and give birth. A unique and strong bond is created and nurtured in the very depths of our beings. The job of being a mother goes beyond the everyday tasks that usually go unnoticed, undervalued, and misunderstood. But sometimes a mother’s instinct about bigger things in life — things like friends, family, and relationships – go ignored.
But think about it. Other than yourself, who better knows what you want, expect, or deserve in a significant other but the very person who has spent her entire life helping to nurture yours? It’s probably best to pay attention to Momma.
Life gets busy. Sometimes we get used to the way things are. Manipulation, deceit, control, and even abuse can cloud your judgment about what’s really happening. It’s quite possible that your true reality is very different from what your mind and your heart creates as a means to hide or cope or just exist. Life can get confusing and complicated. It helps to have someone on your side, someone who can hear you and encourage you to see the truth or the big picture. Who better than MOM?!
For example, insecurity can make you feel uncertain and doubtful. But it can also present itself as strong and confident, but it is still insecurity. So the person “tries too hard.” Their efforts become self-serving, self-promoting, and has the potential to hurt.
It is possible to be so self-centered that even when you are in a relationship that lasts years, you do not realize it’s only working because the relationship is one-sided. One person is into themselves so much that they don’t realize that while boosting themselves, they are putting the other down.
Selfishness can develop into controlling behavior. With the need to control someone to feel better about yourself, pride or ego takes over, and it can be dangerous — mentally, emotionally, and physically. It causes pain and damage not to just the other person, but also to those who love him/her, especially their family (Mom) and friends. It’s hard to watch someone accept manipulation, control, and abuse as love or as acceptable behavior. Sometimes they are just settling when they deserve and need so much better.
My message to my girls … (of any age)
Listen to Mom: I realize some things have to be learned through personal experience, but when your Spidey senses are not working or they in the midst of a lovey-dovey haze, trust that Momma is a good judge of character. She can help them see the bigger picture and answer any questions, and she will fight for your best interest.
Focus: Don’t get so busy with life or lost in love that you lose sight of what is truly important. Maintaining solid, quality relationships with family, friends, and even a boyfriend (who should also value your relationships with family and friends) is key to getting the maximum return on your relationship investments.
Be Secure in Yourself: First and foremost, may your solid foundation be firmly placed on the rock, Your LORD and Savior. He is your Father, Protector, Healer, Love of your life, and Significant Other. When you truly understand and live by that, no one, no man can make you feel less than or not good enough. Your value, body, mind, heart, and spirit cannot be measured by someone else’s opinion of you, even if they say they love you. When you are secure in who you are and what you believe, then you can be a “significant other” and a contributing partner in a relationship.
Do Not Be Controlled or Controlling: If you are weak or allow yourself to be controlled, it can be dangerous. In the end, you only harvest resentment. Don’t be that person. On the other hand, being controlling is self-serving and only helps feed your ego. If you are secure in yourself, there is no need to constantly one-up someone, point out their negatives or failures, or look or ask for recognition, approval, compliments, or submission.
God’s expectations of love are simple, and they don’t just apply when you are talking about two people in a relationship. While these scriptures verses below are true and are often used to express how you should treat others, they also express how you can love yourself. When God’s love reigns in you and you love and respect yourself first, then you will be open and free to share that love with someone else. Follow this principle, set your standards high, and love yourself.
If you didn’t have a mom like Jocelyn, don’t despair. You can be the kind of mom you wish you had.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
Proverbs 31:25-30
Do nothing out of selfish
ambition or vain conceit,
but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Each of you should look
not only to your own
interests, but also to the
interests of others.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus….”
Philippians 2:3-5
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8
