Listen Now
Who do you call when you’re having a bad day? Or, who do you want to share good news with?
Relationships are important in life. They can bring joy and comfort.
But sometimes, certain people make us feel anxious or bad about ourselves. And yet we feel we must be close to them because they are family, or they have been in our lives for a long time, or we must be nice to everyone and let them in.
The truth is, you have the responsibility to decide who is in your life and how close they are to you. That’s known as having wisdom or maintaining boundaries. Not all the people in your life need to have access to the most precious part of your heart.
Understanding Your Relationship Circles
Think of your relationships like a target with circles. You are in the center, and the people in your life are in different circles based on how close they are to you. (See illustration.)
- Outer Circle — Acquaintances: These are people you know and interact with, like neighbors or coworkers. You’re friendly, but you don’t share personal details.
- Middle Circle — Good Friends and Family: These are people you care about and enjoy spending time with. You trust them to an extent, but you may not share everything.
- Inner Circle — Your Closest People: These are the individuals you trust the most because they have earned it over time. You can be yourself around them, share your deep feelings, and know they will support you. They are safe people.
Activity: Draw Your Circles of Trust
Draw three circles like the picture. Think about the people in your life and write their names in the circle in which they belong.
This circle map is just for you. As your relationships change it is okay to move people to different circles — closer or farther away — without sharing the map with others. This helps keep you safe and supported in your connections with others.
One day one of my very closest friends, in my inner circle, did something to betray my best friend and her entire family. It was awful! When I said something, she turned on me as well. I decided to move her from my inner circle to the outer circle.
I forgave her, but that doesn’t mean I had to bring her back to the level of friendship we enjoyed before. She had chosen by her actions to walk away from that.
If saying no to some people and yes to others is hard for you (like it was for me), try finding a “friend mentor.” This is someone you know who is good at relationships. Ask them questions. Learn how they handle problems or say no in a kind way.
Your Heart, Your Choice
When we learn how to live with healthy boundaries and safe people in our inner circle, we are honoring ourselves. You deserve to feel safe, valued, and loved. Use wisdom. Like Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
