Trapped in Suicide

By: K'ryn Mar Lat

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Here I am all alone wondering who’s going to lend a hand
I’ve had this thought many times ending it, is where I stand
No more hurt, no more pain, life will never be the same

My surroundings are dark with no compassion
But I keep holding on to evil’s passion
A hand I don’t see
But it temporarily releases me

I sought the hand of the dealer; the fix was quick just not fast enough
It only made a dark empty room seem filled with imaginary stuff

But great here comes another hand only this time, it aggressively slaps my face
“Must do what you’re told” he said “or find a way to compensate”
So now the street corner is my place as the passerby watches me in disgrace

“A hand!” I scream as I quickly make my way to the pole
The only thing that I can hold
Yes! I see hands, the hands of professional men,
Who only want me for their pleasurable transaction
I can never tell them what my purpose is,
They wouldn’t understand plus this is only business

There’s a church up the block they can lend a hand
They once gave me a card telling about a Man
Whose hands were nailed to a cross for the lost
Doors are open every Sunday
The ladies are all dressed quite nicely,
Married couples look very happy,
But, where do I fit in? When all that’s seen is my imperfection
Now I know I am in the hands of darkness and confusion.

As I search for my escape thinking of my way out, I take the gun out of its pouch
While on my knees feeling displeased wondering what’s out there for me
I scream out in distress thinking I’m ready for the consequence
I mumble “I just need to end it now”, but instead the gun jams and I pass out

A vision appears:
Why is that Hand extended in my direction? It has holes in it as if it has been through my
affliction

These Hands picked me up and carry me softly
These Hands stroke me very carefully while opening doors to set me free
I now know these Hands for it’s the Hands of the Almighty and will always be there to
guide me.

See my lifestyle only degraded me
The church couldn’t save me
But it introduced me to a new substance.
A permanent relationship with the One, that brought me my deliverance.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.

You can find this article and more in ReachUP Edition: Fall 2019

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