Listen Now
Let’s talk about something every woman battles: sex and love addiction. You know about that hunger you feel when you can’t seem to get enough love. Even when you get what you think you want, it doesn’t satisfy and can actually hurt you in the long run.
I remember being in my late 20s and starting my journey toward discovering where my sex and love addiction issues had come from. I had to sort through so many childhood and teenage wounds along with college-age dynamics to get somewhere. I was trying hard to break free from any emotional mess that would lead me to stray from the good and healthy life God had for me and that I wanted for myself.
Knowing I needed help, I attended a Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) meeting. After a brief stint in the mixed group, during which I noticed my heart and eyes venturing in some of the men’s directions (not helpful!), I went to my first all-female SLAA group. They were talking about this concept of self-care, about how often they take baths and do their fingernails.
I thought to myself, What has this got to do with anything? I’m here to talk about my sex and love issues. I’m here to talk about my daddy issues!
I couldn’t connect the dots. But what I have since learned is that the lack of self-care is often the reason a woman acts out. In fact, this is true for both men and women. You see, when someone acts out in a destructive way, that person is either Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Bored.
My counselor recommended that I ask myself these questions before connecting with a guy, whether on the phone or texting or even Facebook or Instagram: Am I Hungry? Am I Angry? Am I Lonely? Am I Tired? Am I Bored?
Your answers to those quick questions help you HALT the temptation to act out. If you answer Yes to any one of the questions, you’re looking for someone else to meet your needs. You want someone to fill your emotional void, to give you the healthy attention and care that you’ve never learned how to give yourself.
I challenge you to notice when you are wrestling with any extra-marital temptation or premarital temptation with someone you have no business being in a relationship with. Then HALT. Stop and ask yourself some questions. Are you making exercise a priority? Are you getting plenty of quality sleep? Are you caring for yourself by planning out healthy meals and grocery shopping to make sure that your body is well nourished?
Are you pampering yourself on occasion and attending to your own needs? Do you take time for things like bubble baths or doing your nails or plucking your eyebrows? Are you reading a good book or doing something else you thoroughly enjoy that can keep you from going down the wrong path out of boredom?
Are you talking regularly with a counselor or friends or your husband? Are you doing something about your loneliness? Are you dealing with anger from your past?
Asking yourself these questions will help you avoid feeling so depleted, so hungry, so desperate, and so lonely that you lower your guard and let a guy in simply because he is willing to pay you some attention.
Many women have made relationship decisions they truly regret simply because they were starving for the tiniest bit of attention or affection. If that is you, I hope you will talk to someone about your hunger, your anger, your loneliness, your tiredness, or your boredom and make self-care a priority. God bless.
Learn more about Shannon Ethridge at www.shannonethridge.com. She is the author of 22 books including the million-copy best-seller, EVERY WOMAN’S BATTLE.
