Listen Now
I was not allowed to be disappointed when I was a kid. In my family we always had to “look on the bright side” and be positive. Maybe it was because my mom had a lot of hardship in her life. My father left her with two little kids and one on the way. The next man she married turned out to be an alcoholic and abuser. And on and on.
We could never complain. Somehow complaining was bad and “God didn’t like it,” we were told. That’s not quite true, but that was the message we received.
The truth is, bad things do happen.
You don’t get the job you were trying for.
Your kid is doing poorly in school, even though you’ve done your best to help.
The man you love says he doesn’t love you anymore.
Things don’t work out like you thought they would. It’s disappointing.
A lot of people say, “Think positive! Say these ten positive sentences every day!” But that doesn’t allow for the all – the all of you and the all of what you experience and, most important, the all of God – all of who is He is and how He wants to connect with you and help you in difficult, disappointing times.
It may seem that if you let yourself feel the disappointment, you will be overwhelmed by it and never come out of that dark hole. But I think that depends on what you do with disappointment.
Here’s what I’ve learned to do with disappointment (and I’m not stuck in a dark hole):
Acknowledge the disappointment to yourself. Putting it in a sentence helps. “I feel disappointed that….”
Take your disappointment to God. Talk to Him. Tell him how you really feel. It helps to write it down. (You can always throw it out later if you don’t want anyone to see it.) He understands. The world is not like He wanted it to be either!
Once you’ve invited Jesus Christ in as Savior, invite Him in as Counselor, Comforter, and Friend. As you invite Him into the hurt and disappointed areas in you, He will fill the deficits – which are like big holes – in your heart and mind. Only God can do this, and He does it so well!
With a trusted friend, create a safe space for both of you to talk about your disappointments. Listen to and acknowledge each other’s disappointments and pain. Pray for each other without telling each other want to do. A sincere “I hear you” and “I’m sorry for your pain” is always good.
Do this with all disappointments, not just the big ones.
Don’t miss out on the sweetness of the Lord and the fellowship of His sufferings (Philippians 3:10). He knows what it’s like to suffer, and if you’ll draw near to Him in those times, He will draw near to you (James 4:8).
Unless the LORD had been my help, my soul would have soon settled in silence (Psalm 94:17)
I’ve practiced this for quite a few years now through some pretty rough disappointments. I can tell you that the sun will come out again and things will look better.
At the same time, because you’ve kept it real with God, yourself, and others through the difficulties and disappointments, your life will be a whole lot richer and real.
Karen Duckett is a board member and frequent writer for Reach UP. She also has her own ministry of prayer and help, Rescued 4 Destiny – Joel 2 Army.
