Listen Now
When I was a child, a lot of abuse happened to me and around me. My father was an alcoholic, and he would hit my mom and us kids when he got drunk or just because he felt like it. He did this for many years and I felt as if it would never stop. I recall that even when my mom was pregnant, he would abuse her.
Finally my mother left my father and we moved in with family. Years passed and we finally got an apartment.
I used to go visit my dad, but no one else came with me. I remember the day he asked me to sleep with him and offered to pay me. I yelled at him but because he was my father, I forgave him – though probably not in the way I should have. I was confused, upset, frightened. Oh how I cried.
When I returned home, my mom noticed my sadness and asked, “What’s wrong?”
I didn’t want to break her heart so I said, “Nothing.”
Years passed and we moved again. I was so happy my dad lived close and went to visit him. He hadn’t changed. All I remember was that he gave me a cup of juice to drink. After that I didn’t remember anything. I fell asleep and woke up to discover his hands down my pants. I stormed out of the house. I was furious at myself because I should have known better. I hated him and promised I would never go back.
I began acting out, and my behavior was quite rebellious. I wanted the streets. That’s where I met my daughter’s father and started getting high with him. He showed me how to smoke crack, then he left me.
I entered a world of drugs and prostitution and began to sell myself for more drugs and money.
Life on the streets is pretty much the same anywhere – eating from garbage cans, doing anything to survive. I slept in cardboard boxes, in tents, under roofs. There were days I didn’t sleep. I caught some illnesses that could have taken my life. I had to do anything and everything to survive.
During this time, I met someone who at first seemed to give me love. But after I trusted him, he pushed me into a life of abuse and heroin. My abuser made me work the streets to get the heroin.
Whenever the money and drugs dried up, the beatings were so severe that I wanted to die. One day I remember sitting in the middle of the street and waiting for a truck to run me over. But God must’ve sent help, because someone pushed me out of the way.
I was so miserable and so lost. The only person who actually loved me was my mom. It was her prayers that kept me alive.
Finally my abuser was arrested and given prison time. I was able to go into a program for withdrawal from the heroin. Sadly, I still went back to the streets to smoke crack.
There were days when I got raped two or three times a day. I was so numb, I wouldn’t even cry. I’d just look for another man with money.
My life was out of control. I was on a path of destruction. By now I had two kids from two absent fathers – one in prison and the other lost in drugs.
I hit bottom and finally gave in. I tried working at having a normal life after so many years of the street life, abuse, and drugs. I got an apartment and was at peace. I was happy, but lonely.
In time I met my husband, John. Life was good for awhile. But just when I thought I was forever done with street life, the temptation of drugs became too strong. We got high together and things spun out of control. The days turned into many years.
My husband began a cycle of leaving me and the kids because he was tired of what I was doing. When he was at home, he’d try to do everything he could for us. But I loved the drugs and streets more than my family. Everyday I’d go back on the streets doing drugs – even with my kids at home. I felt trapped and really just wanted to die.
Then he left us for six days.
When he returned, we fought so much that I ran into the bathroom crying. I called out to God and truly felt His spirit give me peace. I “heard” God give me the words, “Go to Pennsylvania.”
“For what?” I asked.
All I felt God say to me was, “Be in peace.”
I told my husband about this strange experience. I told him that he could stay or come with me, but I was going to Pennsylvania. Though we couldn’t leave immediately, we moved as a family!
Once we got there, we had to go through the shelter system. God knew we’d meet a worker in that particular shelter named Kathy T. who invited us to her church.
I went the first Sunday and it was amazing! They welcomed me with open arms. That very day I gave my life to Jesus!
In two weeks, we got a 3-room house paying only $500 dollars a month rent. What a miracle! Since then we have moved a couple of times because we wanted better locations. All the while, we have been learning how to let God lead us.
That was four years ago and I still attend that church.
TODAY . . .
Yes, there are struggles, but through God, I am overcoming! Since obeying God and moving, I got my GED. John and I got married. My son, who once told our pastor he was an atheist, is now in college studying to be a pastor. (Moms, don’t give up praying or taking your kids to church even if they don’t like it!)
My other two girls are doing wonderfully in school. They’ve been a great support. I have two lovely grandkids, and I couldn’t do it without the support of my two step-daughters as well.
God has given us a new life, a great church, wonderful pastors and true friends.
Marjorie’s
Special Note
to Women Who are Homeless
PLEASE don’t stay out on the streets. They’ll eat you alive and take every bit of dignity from you. Stay strong. Find a church. Go to a safe house.
Let my story help you have the courage to overcome … with God’s help. I overcame the pull of the streets, prostitution, drug addiction – and you can too.
God can give you a new life that you’ve never known – mercy and grace from God, everyday, hour after hour.
