Listen Now
Little was I aware that the decision I made at 17 would steal my innocence and change my life forever.
I grew up going to church, and at the age 14 I openly said that I believed Jesus was God’s son who came to die for my sins and who lives forever. I had a personal experience with Him. At 16 I began to date someone four years older than me. I was very naïve and found myself in a controlling and an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship for 18 months. Needless to say, church was no longer in the picture. I found myself going to Planned Parenthood at 7:00 in the morning to get free pregnancy tests before school.
I got out of that relationship and became promiscuous. Drinking and addiction to “street speed” and partying became my life. I was also bulimic. Yet to my family I was a “Golden Girl” who had it all together. After two years of college, I left home and moved out of the small town of Naples, Florida, to live in the big city of Jacksonville. There I stayed with my grandparents to finish my degree in Psychology. By night I was a cocktail waitress which helped me continue my party lifestyle. I was living a double life.
While at college I met the really nice guy I had been waiting to meet. So on our first date I was all his! We became serious and planned on getting married one year after our first date.
Yes, I became pregnant. I went into panic mode. He wanted to keep the child, but I had already made my mind up at 17 what my choice would be if I were to get pregnant. It seemed easier to get an abortion than to deal with the reaction of my father. I just could not bear my fear of his condemnation.
Besides, in college they said a fetus was a just a blob of tissue. I had to believe the lie that it wasn’t a baby so that if could deny that I was doing anything wrong. My Wall of Denial began building the day I found out I was pregnant. After all, I had my whole life ahead of me. Plus abortion was legal, so in January 1985, a little shy of two months before we married, I had the abortion.
In reality, I ended my son’s life.
I got married, and I graduated from college two months after the wedding.
A year later I found out I had dysplasia*, and then I had endometriosis**. I was told there wasn’t much of a chance of having children due to the diseases I had. But my miracle baby arrived in 1988 – a beautiful baby girl.
Then the endometriosis came back. I remember crying because I had lost all hope of having children again.
In 1989 I rededicated my life to the Lord, and my husband gave his life to Jesus for the first time. Miraculously I became pregnant two more times. I truly believe all three of my daughters are from the Lord.
All the while, my Wall of Denial was growing thick and tall. I shoved the anger, bitterness, regret, loss, jealousy, denial, numbness to true feelings, insecurities, and the trauma of it all down deep into my heart. Every January I would get quiet, though I did not know why. I was controlling and overprotective at times with my girls. When I was approached to raise awareness for the Pro-Life cause, I was so embarrassed. No one knew my ugly secret. The shame and guilt was unspeakable!
Then on Valentine’s Day in 2012, the Lord began to speak to me in my spirit about finding out about the effects of abortion. I wanted my 29-year Wall of Denial to come tumbling down for good! Jesus and I had a special time, and I broke down for the first time ever since my abortion in 1985.
My Savior went to the cross 2000 years ago for me because He knew I could not be forgiven any other way. I cannot completely forgive myself without God. I must accept what Jesus Christ did for me. He paid for my sins – something I couldn’t do through any goodness on my own.
I experienced true freedom from the guilt and shame of abortion. I want other women like me to walk in the freedom Jesus has given them and claim victory. My life verse, Philippians 4:13, has gotten me through many tough spots along my journey of healing.
Next issue, read more about the freedom and healing Keven has received.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”
Keven and her husband, Kevin, live in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, and have been married 29 years. They have two married daughters, one single daughter, and three grandchildren. Her family is very supportive of her calling the Lord has given her. She facilitates “Surrendering the Secret” Bible study at her church. Kcovert.heartsrenewed@gmail.com
Profile Information:
Cervical dysplasia refers to abnormal changes in the cells on the surface of the cervix. The cervix is the lower part of the uterus (womb) that opens at the top of the vagina.
The changes are not cancer. But they can lead to cancer of the cervix if not treated.
Causes
Cervical dysplasia can develop at any age, but is most often seen in women ages 25 to 35.
Most often, cervical dysplasia is caused by the human papilloma virus (HPV). HPV is a common virus that is spread through sexual contact. There are many types of HPV. Some types lead to cervical dysplasia or cancer. Other types of HPV can cause genital warts.
The following may increase your risk of cervical dysplasia:
- Having sex before age 18
- Having a baby before age 16
- Having multiple sexual partners
- Having other illnesses or using medicines that suppress your immune system
- Smoking
Symptoms
Most of the time, there are no symptoms.
Exams and Tests
You will have a pelvic exam.
Endometriosis is a problem affecting a woman’s uterus – the place where a baby grows when she’s pregnant. Endometriosis happens when the kind of tissue that normally lines the uterus grows somewhere else. It can grow on the ovaries, behind the uterus, or on the bowels or bladder. Rarely, it grows in other parts of the body.
This “misplaced” tissue can cause pain, infertility, and very heavy periods. The pain is usually in the abdomen, lower back or pelvic areas. Some women have no symptoms at all. Having trouble getting pregnant may be the first sign.
