Healing for the Shattered Soul

Recognizing that many women have suffered some kind of abuse in their lifetime, we have asked Karen Rogers Duckett to help us figure out how to work through the pain and scars …

Haven’t You Suffered Long Enough?

Abuse is when someone is treated in a way they are not supposed to be treated. If you’ve gone through any kind of abuse – whether sexual, physical, emotional, mental or a combination of these – you suffered when it was happening. And yet it’s not over. Chances are you suffer again and again and again in your mind, in your heart, and in your emotions as the damaged parts of you relive the pain of abuse.

My question to you is, “Haven’t you suffered long enough?”

Healing from abuse comes from:

#1 The truth about what happened being told openly and not hidden, and

#2 God’s truth about you – your body, your worth, your value, your being – being heard and received in those dark, hidden, isolated places deep inside you.

As someone who has been healed from years of abuse, I offer you these suggestions.

Say What Happened

Admit it to yourself. Tell someone else. Go there. Jesus said, “The truth shall set you free.” We need to live in the truth and not downplay what happened.

Many people don’t want to talk badly about their mom, dad, uncle, or “family friend,” so they don’t tell the bad things they did. Psalm 18:19 says that God puts us in a large space. In this large space there is room for the feeling of love and connection with the abuser and those who didn’t stop it, AS WELL AS hating (our gut feelings) them, and being angry and enraged with them.

Don’t justify the abuser’s actions with statements like, “Well, he was really going through a hard time, and he didn’t mean to do it.” Or, “It wasn’t that big a deal.”

It was a big deal and it pains you. Something’s off. Something is not quite right, and it’s affecting your relationships and your life – now.

Don’t minimize what happened. “Well, so and so had it much worse.” It doesn’t matter if someone else had it worse. It matters that you were hurt. You were treated incorrectly. No matter how “small” the abuse, it really did (and does) affect you. You matter.

“Going there” doesn’t mean you’re going backward. Going there means you’re going forward. The truth is, there comes a point when if you don’t go there, you can’t go forward at all. You’ll feel like you’re stuck.

In order to be healthy, you must say and come to grips with what happened – and not let it be hidden anymore. But it’s important to know that it doesn’t stop with just talking about it over and over. After you expose the pain, it’s time to let God’s truth come in. The truth will set you free.

Sounds simple, but it’s not easy. You must persevere.

Realize You Probably Have a Shattered Soul

It will help you to realize that you probably have a shattered soul. Technically, it’s called dissociation. Dissociation occurs. . .

• usually in early childhood
• when something traumatic is happening and there is no one around to help you escape. The event is too painful or scary to bear, so instead of letting you go crazy, your mind “splits off” from itself and puts the experience of the event into its own little compartment.

It feels like part of you takes the abuse while the rest of you goes away and is “safe.” Part of you takes it and the rest of you “doesn’t feel a thing” and would even say, “Nothing happened.” But it did happen, and pieces of your shattered soul are holding the memories and the pain.

This is why in your current life, part of you can be fine, then all of sudden you’re not fine, and you don’t know where that’s coming from. It’s coming from these places that long ago were cut off and isolated – the places that are the “keepers of the pain.” You did it to survive. But now the abuse is over and it is safe (and necessary for your well-being) to come back together.

I’ve experienced this as the healing work of God in and with me. You can too; I know it.

Connect with God

Realize that God hates what happened to you (Isaiah 61:8). He wasn’t in on it. He did not and does not say that what happened to you is okay. If you have had trouble connecting with God at some deep levels, this may be why: You thought that because the abuse happened, He was in on it.

He wasn’t.

This brings up real questions about why God allowed the abuse. I’m not telling you to deny those questions. They are valid. But don’t let your questions about where He was and why He allowed it to stop you from going to Him, connecting with Him, and receiving from the One who can help you the best.

I also asked those questions, then put them on a “shelf” for God to answer in His timing (which He did!). While you are waiting, do everything you can to connect with the One who can unravel all the mess – and free you from it.

I have a plaque that says, “A Friend gathers your scattered pieces and gives them back to you in the right order.” God is that Friend.

He will bring you truth about yourself, what happened, how He feels about it, the truth about your body, your value, and your being. And He will dispel the lies about your being dirty, guilty, unwanted, and that it was your fault. Receive the truth about and from Him. This you will find in the Bible and in a good Christian church.

Take Care of Yourself

Keep trying.

Keep pursuing your healing. Keep praying.

Look for a counselor or friend who will walk with you through your healing. I would love to say, “Go to church and you will immediately find someone who understands and will walk through this with you.” Unfortunately not everyone understands. If they say something like, “Just trust God and get over it,” then move on to another person or church. Keep seeking help until you find it. You are that important!

Plan on getting extra rest. The process of healing is physically and emotionally draining. The good news is: Your regular life will continue. As God was healing me from abuse of the past, I was still a mom, worked at a job, and I was involved in my community.

The bad news is, your regular life will continue! (No, that’s not a mistake!) It means in the midst of “going there” and receiving truth to replace the lies, you still have a lot to do. So cut out what is not necessary in your life and don’t be surprised or feel guilty if you need to sleep more.

Don’t Be Afraid of Your Own Feelings

Finally, don’t be afraid of your own feelings. Don’t be afraid of admitting and knowing what happened. Go there with God. He’s waiting for you. (He’s already there!) God knows how to set you free. He knows how to lead you. And He knows how to give you those shattered and scattered pieces back – in the right order.

So go for it. Haven’t you suffered long enough?

Karen Rogers Duckett ministers God’s healing to shattered souls and teaches others to do the same. For more information go to her YouTube channel:
Rescued for Destiny – Joel 2 Army