From the Impossible to the Possible

By: Agueda Alvarado

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Dear Woman, who do you think you are?

I’ve asked that question to myself many times.

Now, who am I? I am a woman who lives to feel. I am a woman who has grown to be happy. I am a woman who loves and serves others. I feel. I dream. And now I believe. But this wasn’t always my life.

I was raised to be obedient without any chance to offer my opinion or ask a question. I grew up thinking that the man was dominant over the woman and children. Not only that, but my upbringing instilled fear that God was out to punish us and that He played favorites. Because I believed that lie, I thought He would give lot of things to some people, and to others like me, he would be stingy.

Like many other little girls, I had dreams. Yet I was made to believe that my dreams were never possible for me to reach. I grew up thinking that every woman was smart – except me.

Because I grew up in Mexico and now live in the United States, my life seemed to have these invisible walls. I felt like I was neither from my old country and culture, nor from this new country and its culture.

Along with all the negative thoughts and emotions, I was also falsely taught to feel that I was just a dreamer. Nothing more.

Then one day I discovered that my thoughts determined the direction I would go. That is how I was able to wake up!

So how did I get there? I asked myself, Could it be possible that whatever I think of myself and feel toward myself could actually happen in my life?

I was reminded of what the wise man Job said, “What I have most feared has come to me” (Job 3:25). It was time to start watching my thoughts!

The ugly truth was, the lies I had been taught to believe was what I became.

I remember when one of my teachers asked me what came to mind when I looked at myself in the mirror. In reality, I had never asked myself that question. But at that moment I realized that all I saw were my flaws and imperfections. Over and over throughout my childhood my flaws were pointed out and repeated.

“Look at your big nose! Look at what ugly hair you have!” And on and on….

Startled, I began to understand that I needed to look at myself in the mirror and point out my beauty!

Sadly, at first it was just not possible for me to say anything positive out loud. I had a deep sense of embarrassment. Even in my room by myself, I’d have to remind myself that I was alone and there was no reason to feel embarrassed. I kept my focus on the urge to keep trying. Every time I was in front of a mirror, I would again try again and again to say anything positive, but I could not.

Finally, after seven days I succeeded. I was finally able to look at myself in the mirror and, with a deep stare, tell myself out loud, I AM BEAUTIFUL!

All I could feel was a smile that turned into joy that just took over every sense of my being. This was the beginning of an internal discovery. I had tried to hide from who I really am for many years.

It’s been two years since that turning point, and every single day I become more aware of my own thoughts, making changes little by little and renovating my way of thinking about what defines me.

I am a human being of great worth, just like everyone else on this earth. I am a woman worth all the value I give myself. Every morning when I wake up, I seek to be grateful and focus on all the great things I have. I continue to focus on those good thoughts throughout my day. If there is something I have not yet obtained, I remind myself it is on its way. I have decided to love myself plus love and respect God and others. I have decided to become the woman created me to be, the woman I always dreamed about.

My thoughts determine the direction I’m going!