Listen Now
Christmas can be a wonderful and spiritual celebration for some families, but for many families of alcoholics, it can be a time of deep despair and loneliness.
My alcoholic dad never got the memo that at Christmas you focus on kindness and rejoice at the Savior’s birth. My dad was too busy turning his hand toward his bottle. It never occurred to him to spend his time creating memories with his family. Yes, the Alcoholic Grinch stole Christmas in my house every year until I left home.
The beauty of Christmas never took the spotlight in our home because my dad’s temper tantrums were so full of drama. Other families listened to Christmas carols but my dad would be yelling loudly at us. Christmas wasn’t any different than any other day for me. My dad was too far gone to notice it was a special holiday of worship and thanksgiving. Instead he’d keep a running list of all my failures and then remind me on a regular basis.
One time, one of my hairs fell into the sink and he went ballistic when he noticed I forgot to remove it. He then proceeded to repeat all my mistakes from the past year. My “normal” was to listen and take to heart all his critical put downs. As a result, I felt like a failure and never good enough.
(Not true and don’t let that kind of stuff into your heart!)
Christmas is supposed to be a happy family time of laughter and joy exchanged within the home. But for me it was isolation and blues. My dad was unavailable to connect with me or my mom. Often my dad would threaten to take back one of my favorite Christmas gifts to tightly control on my behavior. It seemed my mom didn’t have time for me because of the problems my dad was making. In time Mom became his enabler and his drinking buddy. I felt like the lost child. My dad couldn’t and wouldn’t connect. My mom kept being sucked into actions that left me alone.
The Prince of Peace had been born and all I knew was that my stress level of fear, guilt and shame had reached the roof. The Christmas season did not give me a get-out-of-the-hot-seat ticket from my dad so I remained sad and angry. The gift of new life in Christ was absent from my Christmas experience. I knew God existed but He wasn’t in my painful life. The Light of the World had come and I was still sitting in the dark.
If you’ve walked in my shoes, I bet you can relate to my sense of defeat and darkness.
So how do you do more than survive the troubled days of Christmas with an alcoholic, (or other tough things that hurts your heart) and actually live?
Understand that it is possible for you to build up your own soul and enjoy the majesty and love at Christmas. You are worthy of a special Christmas experience. Christmas is a personal gift from your Heavenly Father and He longs to connect with you and draw you closer to Himself even if every family member doesn’t.
God will answer your humble prayers to have a fulfilling Christmas. You may not be able to change what’s happening around you, but you can take care of yourself by doing some positive activities.
To me, the most important action is to receive the gift of salvation which Jesus brought at Christmas!
Beyond that, there are things to do and free events to attend that will lift your spirit and encourage your soul. Consider doing some of the following activities:
- Attend a musical Christmas program at a local church
- Attend church on Christmas
- Make some homemade cards and give them to family and friends in your building
- Try making the nativity project in this magazine and tell someone the story of Jesus’ birth
- Read as much as you can about alcoholism so you can pray for your family member’s healing
- Pray to find a friend with whom you can both pray regularly for your alcoholic family member
For our readers in prison, if these activities are available, join in!
- Exercise
- Attend chapel services
- Join training classes
- Attend in-prison Bible studies
- Read the Christmas story in the Bible and tell it to a friend
My story did have a happy ending. Later in life a friend told me the true meaning of Christmas. My friend told me my Heavenly Father wanted to have a personal relationship with me. “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9). I was ready to become a follower of Christ. I prayed a simple prayer and I became a member of God’s forever family.
Let your Heavenly Father heal your broken heart. God “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3). The best gift you can give yourself is salvation. Jesus said, “I came that they may have life, and have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)
God took my anger and gave me His love. God took my sorrow and gave me His joy. God took my fear and gave His faith.
Christmas is a picture of God making the grand gesture to reach out to you. Your honest response can change your life forever!
