Change your Focus, Change your Life

by Amy Wedel

Tierra Madison may be only nineteen, but she lives by her favorite quote, “Don’t look back. Look forward!”

Tierra’s story begins in Chandler, Arizona. This sunny location was certainly not what her life was like. Her mom was into alcohol, drugs and witchcraft, and her dad left when she was two years old. Because of all these problems and more, she was placed in foster care off and on for a number of years.

When she was back with her mom at age ten, one of her mom’s “friends” sexually abused her. That began a reign of fear and anger inside Tierra that lasted for years, no matter where she was or with whom she lived.

Her mom must have known what was happening but ignored the truth. One day Tierra walked in on her mom cutting herself. It wasn’t long before she tried it herself. “I started cutting (at ten) because it made me feel better. When I saw the blood, it was as if the blood was my anger. I thought I deserved the pain.”

Eventually, her mom lost complete custody of Tierra, and she was back in the foster care system. She should have been safe, and for a while she was. But there was always someone who would single her out for whatever reason and abuse her. So Tierra ran away.

The cycle of feeling safe, then threatened, then abused, happened time after time. Each attempt at trust was horribly broken, and each time she thought she was at fault. The cutting increased while her desperation deepened.

At one point it seemed as if her life would be on the upswing when she went to live with her grandparents in Arizona. Sadly, that was short-lived when her grandfather’s angry tantrums started. Soon the abuse started. And once again, Tierra was going down that painful, shameful path of control and sexual abuse. She hated to go home after school and was scared of the weekends.

Somehow, she got the nerve to tell the school nurse what she had hidden for so many years. Today she sees that as the beginning of change.

Because her mother had moved to Florida, Tierra was sent to the Tampa Bay Academy program for controlling issues. Tierra explains that her main issues were anger, anorexia and cutting. The program, though tough, helped her to make improvements. But she aged out of the program at eighteen.

With nowhere to go and problems galore, it seemed logical to go live with her mother. Unfortunately, some of the same problems resurfaced, and the cutting started all over again.

Let’s fast forward to a Sunday when she found herself talking to some lady in a church. Being in church was something totally unusual for Tierra. She’d never even heard of God until the week before she went to church.

The lady thought she could get Tierra help. Unbelievably, (at least to Tierra) she came through, and the next day Tierra was on the doorstep of the Davie Teen Challenge.

But a man answered the door and fear swept over her, “Oh no, not again.”

But history was not going to be repeated. Rick Fernandez, and his wife, Donna, have operated the Davie Teen Challenge for women for twenty years. They both know what it’s like to become a new person in Christ. A new story was going to begin for Tierra.

While in the Davie Teen Challenge program, Tierra was introduced to Jesus Christ. She asked Him to take control of her life and forgive her of her sins. Though Tierra doesn’t like talking about her past, she can’t talk enough about her present life with Jesus. Her face literally lights up as she talks.

Here, in her words, are what has helped her.

You have to be in the Word. I read it everyday. You have to spend time with Jesus. Sometimes I spend an hour just reading the Bible and praying about it. It might be a verse, or it might be a whole story.

Proverbs 3:5, 6 has really helped me because I have a problem trusting.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.”  

Sometimes I read stories and see how God acted towards others and   see how He will react with me. For example in Mark 5:1-15, there is the demon possessed man who was cutting himself. That man was as messed up as I was, but Jesus asked his name. He wants to know my name and hear from me! By verse 14 and 15 the man is in his right mind and no more anger or cutting himself. Jesus gave him peace inside.

I’ve watched The Passion of the Christ, and I saw how Jesus was cut. I saw how He was abused. I saw the bruise on His face like I had. Jesus went through some of the same things I have. They treated Him like dirt. But He finished His purpose to save me and overcome death. He gave me hope.

Everyone needs hope. You might be at a different stage in your experience. I’m just learning to give all of my heart to Him. I’m learning He will provide freedom, healing and strength. Give it all to Him. 

Maybe you have to picture Jesus as you talk with Him. Just do it!

I know I have to stay focused on Jesus. “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff comfort me, and You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.”

Yeah, that’s what gives me courage. “Don’t look back. Look forward.”